Review: Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) (Or: How Not To Do A Sequel)

(SPOILER FREE)

“You think that s**t’s gonna work this time?”

Kingsman: The Secret Service was a novel surprise back in 2014, an ultraviolent spy spoof that worked gloriously. In fact, it was so successful in what it did that a sequel wasn’t necessary. However, a sequel was thrust upon us. Could the sequel be a successful spy spoof that didn’t copy the outline of the first one? Could it spoof sequels? Could it give us a reason for its existence? My answer to all of the above questions is: no. It’s a mess, in basic terms. It adds nothing of substance to the Kingsman universe. A plodding pace, a silly storyline and incongruent scenes add up to an awful sequel.

Sequels are typically louder, bigger and longer than their predecessors. Kingsmen: The Golden Circle is only twelve minutes longer than its predecessor, but feels twice as long. Scenes drag on and on, and even during the opening car chase scene I felt bored. Instead of trying to top the two notable action sequences in the first film, the sequel opts to extend every action sequence to a ridiculous length. True, the action scenes are thin on the ground, but it’s as if Matthew Vaughn doesn’t know when to stop. There’s a mountain resort scene that reminded me of Tomorrow Never Dies, in a negative way. You can have the style and the verve without stretching a fight/battle to breaking point.

He tries his best, but Taron Egerton struggles with emoting

One of the major additions to the Kingsman universe is the American sister organisation, Statesman. However, by the mid-point of the film, I wondered what was the point of adding Statesman. It’s stacked full of A-List actors, including Halle Berry, Channing Tatum and Jeff Bridges. However, the script doesn’t really know what to do with them. Tatum is shelved earlier on, Bridges has a few lines, and Berry is just there. Statesman seems like an excuse to involve America in proceedings, rather than adding anything to the plot. The sub-plots that come along with it are clichéd and tiresome.

“You break the law, you pay the price”

That’s one of the things about the entire film: the script writers don’t seem to know what to do with it. They have a female villain, for a change. But she’s given a ridiculous scheme to enact (even in the confines of a spoof, it’s over the top) and repeats the same thoughts over and over again. Eggsy is given a mission to place a tracker inside a girl, but he has to use a condom over his finger to do it. He’s in a relationship, so asks his girlfriend if it would be okay to cheat on her to save the world. I understand the moral dilemma, but why come up with something as silly as a microscopic tracker in a condom? I know a spoof should stretch believability, but this (and most of the film) pushes the boundary of credibility too far.

I wonder how much Tatum was paid to be in this film? I’d be surprised if he’s in it for more than fifteen minutes

Kingsman: The Golden Circle is a film that gives more thought to an extended cameo to a pop star (who may as well have top billing in the cast, as he appears more than most of the American cast) than to its plot. It may be louder, but the noise serves to dull the senses. It may be bigger, but the extended cast is wasted and the longer action scenes feel like they’ll never end. It may be longer, but it’s stuffed with pointless scenes, transitions from day to night and location to location that simply don’t make any sense. After the twisted brilliance of the original, this is a heavy disappointment with little to justify its existence.

VERDICT: 3/10. Kingsman: The Golden Circle is a massive disappointment. It’s overlong, wastes much of its new cast, and includes some of the dullest and silliest action scenes ever committed to film. It concentrates more on a pop star’s cameo than telling a cohesive story. What a shame.

What did you think of Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)? Leave your thoughts/comments below!