Review: Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) (How To Do A Sequel?)

“Back order, back order. All a man wants is some fresh germs!”

It’s strange to me that Gremlins hasn’t been signed up to a belated sequel/reboot by Hollywood. The original was relatively well-received and was the fourth highest grossing film of 1984! The sequel is less talked about, but still, think about it. Gremlins has plenty of merchandise potential. It’s a bankable property based on nostalgia. Of course, they’d mess the franchise up by having the Gremlins in wonderful CGI. But as long as they didn’t make all the Gremlins female (I jest, of course!), I’m sure Hollywood would have a hit on their hands. After recently watching Gremlins 2: The New Batch, I can almost see why Hollywood haven’t capitalised on the Gremlins franchise. It’s because Joe Dante created a crazy, insane sequel that defies description and defies most of the conventions of a sequel. How could anyone follow that? Continue reading

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Review: The Conversation (1974) (Let’s Talk About A Great Film!)

He’d kill us if he got the chance

Ahhhh, The Conversation, Mr. Coppola’s little gem directed between The Godfather Part I and II. For my money, it’s a more coherent and entertaining film than either Godfather movie. That’s not to say it’s a better movie (it lost Best Picture Oscar to The Godfather Part II, and who am I to argue with the Academy Awards?!?!?), but given a choice of a Francis Ford Coppola film to watch, I’d choose The Conversation any day of the week! The Conversation is an insight into paranoia, an expert dissection of the human conscious when forced to rethink its notions daily. Powered by a powerhouse performance from Gene Hackman, The Conversation is a must-see film. Continue reading

Review: Pi (1998) (More Than The Sum Of Its Parts?)

“My mother told me not to stare into the sun…”

Twenty years ago (roughly), a young filmmaker released his first feature film: Pi. That man was Darren Aronofsky, and since then he’s directed a few of my favourite films. However, when I was first introduced to Requiem for a Dream, I didn’t quite know what to make of it. I knew I liked it. But I was overwhelmed by it. I needed more Aronofsky. His only other film was Pi…so I eventually found it. And again, I was overwhelmed by it. It’s rough and ready and not quite a masterpiece, but it was a sign of great things to come from Aronofksy. Continue reading

Review: The Prestige (2006) (Christopher Nolan’s Greatest Film?)

Are you watching closely?

Is The Prestige Christopher Nolan’s greatest film? Of course, it has strong competition from The Dark Knight and Memento (of course, readers will also point to Inception, Interstellar and Dunkirk). But in my humble opinion, it’s comparable to Coppola’s The Conversation. He squeezed that in between Godfather Part I and II and I reckon it beats both of them. For Nolan, he squeezed The Prestige in between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight…and again, I reckon it beats both of them…and every other Nolan film. Continue reading

Review: Nekromantik (1987) (The Greatest Love Story Of All Time?)

“Oh God! Watch out!”

Sometimes, you’ve got to shock yourself. Sometimes, you’ve got to push yourself to the limit. That’s as true for film as it is for your body’s endurance. Occasionally, I’ll test my boundaries by watching an extreme horror film! A month ago, it was Cannibal Holocaust. This past Tuesday, I settled down with my breakfast and watched Nekromantik. If you haven’t heard of it before, it involves around a threesome involving a corpse. Your reaction to that sentence will decide whether or not this film is for you! Continue reading

Review: Avatar (2009) (Do We Really Need More Of Pandora?)

So you just figured you’d come here, to the most hostile environment known to men, with no training of any kind, and see how it went?

Avatar was the biggest and best push for the so-called future of film: 3D! In the face of the popularity of piracy and ever-diminishing returns on films thanks to the Recession, Hollywood heads banged together to create something to seduce viewers all the way back to the cinema. What cannot faithfully be reproduced with a pirate copy? What will make people pay more to see a film at the cinema? That’s right, 3D! Never mind about interesting and novel scripts and storylines, or solid, believable characters. Just rehash an old storyline, imagine an entire planet, and film it in 3D. Make sure it costs a lot, spend millions on advertising, and charge ludicrous prices for the pleasure of watching it in three dimensions. Then watch the money roll in! And that’s what happened with Avatar. It wasn’t just James Cameron’s reputation that was on the line; the entire future of the Hollywood industry was on the line. Is there any other reason why a totally awful film would receive so many Oscar nominations? Continue reading

Review: Prince of Persia (2010) (Lost In The Sands Of Time…)

You don’t understand what’s at stake. This is a matter for the gods.

Disney, what have you done? I am eight years late to the party, but last night I watched Prince of Persia…If I could call this a 12A version of 300, it would nearly be accurate. But it wouldn’t do justice to the awfulness of this film. Of course, film adaptions of video games are almost never worthwhile. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Super Mario Bros…the list goes on of video games massacred by the medium of film (and Uwe Boll). Prince of Persia is another beloved video game to be butchered by film studios. There is little positive to say about the film, apart from it being ALMOST enjoyable trash. The terrible chemistry between the Prince and the Princess, Dr. Octopus’ terrible attempts at comedy, Ben Kingsley hamming it up as a dastardly villain, average action scenes, insensible plot… Continue reading

Review: The Wedding Singer (1998) (Adam Sandler’s Best Film!)

Not porno tongue. Church tongue.

If an Adam Sandler movie comes my way, I’ll usually dodge it. Don’t get me wrong: I respect him for carving out a successful career in film comedies. But the films I’ve seen with him in are gargbage. There is one exception, however: The Wedding Singer! It’s twenty years old this year. It takes me back to a simpler time, where doing school homework was the only urgent thing on my mind! The Wedding Singer was also the film where I had my first ever date! So it holds fond memories for me…but after watching it recently, I found that nostalgia wasn’t the only reason why it’s the only Sandler film I’ll watch. Continue reading

Review: Brawl In Cell Block 99 (2017) (One Of The Best Films of 2017?)

“I don’t think things even out fair like that?”

Welcome to the first film I watched in 2018! Well, okay, that’s a lie…the first film I watched in 2018 was Bring It On. But let’s not talk about that. Brawl in Cell Block 99 was the unofficial first film I watched in 2018. I’d only heard good things about it. When the credits started to roll, I wondered about the whereabouts of these “good things.” Apart from a hilarious destruction of a car by Brad (played by Vince Vaughn) in the first five minutes of the film, I was bored senseless. Even the excessive gore failed to stir any emotion in me. Continue reading

Review: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (The Best Star Wars Prequel?)

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

“We call it the Death Star”

The latest instalment in the Star Wars saga, The Last Jedi, is due out at the end of this week. So it’s time I took a look back at the last Star Wars film…Rogue One: A Star Wars story! I watched it at the cinema, but didn’t write a review because I found the experience mediocre. A rewatch later and I still have the same feeling as I did before about it. It’s intermittently diverting enough to absorb you into its story. However, I couldn’t shake the bad feeling that I’d seen all of this before. I knew where the film was going and how it was going to end…and nothing distracted me from that. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story felt like a remix of the Star Wars films we’d seen before. Continue reading